This Point In Time

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 7 Number 03
This Point In Time

October is nearly over. The days are pleasant and not filled with the sweat inducing blazing heat that they were just a short time ago. The desert southwest evenings are getting crisp. Vegetation is turning brown (or browner, as the case may be). Blah, Blah, Blah.

Frankly, I have no idea about what to write. That is why, if you have checked my blog over the past several months, the same tattoo story has been sitting there. Maybe this thing has run its course?

I have been pretty much the same. Doing the things I do. My life is still somewhat devoid of the ever elusive triad of love, money and power. I believe those things will come. I think. I hope.

I’ve been chasing love most of my life. Sometimes I catch up to it only to have it escape again. My problem may be me. I am a romantic and I seem to want the moments that I see in movies. I try to…

What the hell am I talking about? Who cares? It will or it will not happen. And, contrary to popular belief, the lack of love is not due to “high standards.” My history speaks for itself. I have been with tall, short, thin, fat, beautiful, ugly, nice, mean, sweet, hostile, good, bad and ugly women. I was with each of them because I saw something worthwhile within. Admittedly, sometimes it was just good sex, but there was always some redeeming quality in each of them.

I have very often been able to take the good with the bad. However, I am now at a point in my life where I feel that I deserve more than just a check mark or two on the good side of the equation when it comes to a partner. Additionally, I would like whomever “she” may end up being to feel like she is getting more good than bad.

Money is funny. I have never been rich. I have, however, been at opposing ends of a wide spectrum. I have been comfortable – with the capability to take care of all the bills and have money left over for trips and fun. I have been destitute – with absolutely no money, dodging the landlord, hoping friends would invite me to dinner so I could eat, two days from not having a place to live.

They say money does not buy happiness. “They” are full of shit. Sure, it may not buy spiritual happiness, but the security and fun that money can buy sure can make a person smile. It can also pave the road to true happiness so it is much easier to get there. Conversely, it can ruin people, and lead to true unhappiness. Money is just like any other tool. You just have to use it correctly.

Luckily, I feel I am on the upward swing on the monetary end of things. After I pay all my bills, I have a few bucks left over. It may not yet be enough to go buy a home or take off tomorrow for a trip to the orient, but it is a damned sight better than being two days away from homeless.

Power? Meh. I just mentioned it because it seems to be part of the aforementioned triad. Power isn’t really that important to me. I would rather just earn the respect and admiration of the people around me. A SUPERpower, however… that is a different story. I would LOVE to have a superpower.

With all that being said, I am doing pretty well. I am at a point where I am generally happy. Sure, I have a few things that I would really like to and need to change within and about myself. Sure, I get down sometimes. All in all, however, I’m enjoying where I am at this point in time.

I also feel that I have reached an inner peace. It is not the end-all-be-all inner peace, but it is an inner peace. I think I am getting closer to coming to terms with myself. Knowing myself better. Knowing what I am. Knowing who I am. Knowing what kind of man I want to be.

It feels good.

Of course, I would rather just be a movie star.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

By the way, since no one had any good ideas of how to fix my tattoo, I am still stuck with this disfigurement on my left arm.