Out of Reach

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 5 Number 06
Out of Reach

Every time I sit down to “blog,” the computer screen is just so blank. It glows and waits for me to electronically spread across it ink that is filled with wisdom or wit. Then a cat hair that seems to be stuck between the T and Y keys of my keyboard distracts me. I am finally able to extract it and look back to the screen. It is still blank – except for a hundred T’s and Y’s that are the result of me retrieving said cat hair. I delete the gibberish and the blank stares at me again. My mind feels just as blank as the screen.

My son is asleep in the other room. Before he arrived for the summer, I hadn’t seen him in a year. I must say (of course), “My, how he has grown.” He is 14 and he is sure he is right about everything. I suppose that is the age. All in all, he is a good kid. He is extraordinarily intelligent, super creative, hysterically funny, very attractive… and he realizes none of these things. It is as if he doesn’t want to be ANY of these things. He sets out to prove to the people around him that he is not any of these things.

I try to advise him. I try to guide him. I try to compliment him. I try to encourage him. It is all met with resistance. We had an argument the other night about school. It wasn’t a big knock down drag out; it was just a normal argument. When it was over I told him, “Son, I will always correct you and I will always advise you. I do it because I am your Father and I love you.” Of course, that was met with a groaning sound that only teenage boys can produce. I continued, “Son. You will always hate it until the day you realize that I was right and then you will be glad I was here.”

I know this boy is capable of great things. I don’t know what else to do to help him realize that. I love him so much. I wonder if I have been too permissive over the course of his childhood. I wonder if I have been too strict. Have I been too honest with him about things? Have I not been honest enough? I worry that my expectations pressure him too much. I wonder if I have not given him enough indication of my expectations. Should I even have expectations? Should I just let it all unfold and let him figure it out as life passes him by?

All I know is that I love him and believe in him with all of my heart.

I just wish I could reach him.

Until Next Time,
Wayne