WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 4 Number 10
Broken
Volume 4 Number 10
Broken
It was a Wednesday Morning like any other…at first. I awoke to my alarm and dragged my happy ass to the bathroom. I then began my morning hygiene ritual. On the surface that too seemed routine.
Alas, during my same ol’ same ol’ – I was mentally preparing for a fight. In my mind, I was drinking raw eggs from a glass, tenderizing sides of beef with my fists, running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and prepping to get into the ring.
On this particular Wednesday morning at 7:02 I took off my robe, put in my mouthpiece and stepped into the square circle. I was facing off against Frigidaire Customer Service via telephone.
Why?
My dishwasher, which I bought in late 2008, was broken. (Much like anything that was in my life during that time period.) GRRR! It wasn’t squirting water through the jets and 2 years old is WAY too young to be having prostate problems! I researched and isolated the problem: the impeller was not spinning. The motor was doing its thing, but the impeller just sat there and, thus, so did the water.
I called a service tech and he came out to look at the piece of sh!t. When he arrived, he turned on the FDB1050REB4 and… the damned thing did what it was supposed to! What the hell?!?! He then poured some muriatic acid in it to clean out any deposits, turned it on again and… again the stupid thing worked correctly! What the double hell?!?!
I wrote the technician a $98.66 check for the 17 minutes of “work” he did and he left. That amounts to almost $350.00 an hour!!! I could have gotten a Vegas Hooker for that much and at least then I would have enjoyed being screwed!
When I returned from work that evening I loaded the Frigidaire Dishwasher with dirty flatware, plates, bowls, glasses and some soap. I closed the door and pressed start. It filled with water, and… “whirrrrrrr” – no dice! No impeller rotation! Just the motor sitting there, spinning its wheels (or gears)! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Many loud, angry and somewhat creative expletives flew from my mouth!
The next day I called the repairman/hooker back and asked what the &*$#. Unlike a hooker, he said he would come back out and check the motor-shaft/impeller connection free of charge. When he got there he told me that my diagnosis was correct and that the problem was the impeller and that it had just “caught correctly” when he was there last.
Joy! I thought, let’s just slap a new impeller in there and wash some dishes! Of course, that was a stupid pipe dream. I listened as the tech told me that Frigidaire (in their infinite engineering wisdom) hot-mounted the impeller to the motor shaft and that the only way to get a new impeller was to get a whole new “motor/impeller assembly.”
Whenever you hear the term “assembly” used by a technician in naming a part for most any device, just envision that word being spelled with nothing but dollar signs. The new “assembly” would cost around $150.00 PLUS the labor to install it! Sonovabittybittybug! Suddenly we were back to the hooker scenario – “if you want that, it's gonna cost extra, honey.”
Now, back to Wednesday Morning Fights.
When the Consumer Care Representative answered the phone, I decided to go in nice and easy and, if need be, start hitting her with verbal hooks and body shots. I calmly explained my problem and she told me that she totally understood my unhappiness. Sure.
I made a few charming jokes and quips as we talked and we seemed to have a nice rapport. I could hear her typing things on her keyboard. I listened to her politely stall as information came back to her. I hummed a song to myself.
She then started speak again and I got my best verbal right hook ready… only to pull it back. She informed me that Frigidaire would be happy to send me a new motor/impeller assembly at no charge! She also told me that two vital O-rings would probably be damaged when taking off the old assembly so she would send replacements for those as well. I told her how awesome that was and made a couple more jokes before we hung up.
That was probably the single most productive and satisfying phone call I have EVER had with a woman. Thanks, Consumer Care Representative Kim.
Now, if I could get Frigidaire to fix other broken crap in my life for free, like:
By the way, I still have to pay the tech to install the new part, but he said it wouldn’t cost too much because… it’ll be a quickie!
Until Next Time, Alas, during my same ol’ same ol’ – I was mentally preparing for a fight. In my mind, I was drinking raw eggs from a glass, tenderizing sides of beef with my fists, running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and prepping to get into the ring.
On this particular Wednesday morning at 7:02 I took off my robe, put in my mouthpiece and stepped into the square circle. I was facing off against Frigidaire Customer Service via telephone.
Why?
My dishwasher, which I bought in late 2008, was broken. (Much like anything that was in my life during that time period.) GRRR! It wasn’t squirting water through the jets and 2 years old is WAY too young to be having prostate problems! I researched and isolated the problem: the impeller was not spinning. The motor was doing its thing, but the impeller just sat there and, thus, so did the water.
I called a service tech and he came out to look at the piece of sh!t. When he arrived, he turned on the FDB1050REB4 and… the damned thing did what it was supposed to! What the hell?!?! He then poured some muriatic acid in it to clean out any deposits, turned it on again and… again the stupid thing worked correctly! What the double hell?!?!
I wrote the technician a $98.66 check for the 17 minutes of “work” he did and he left. That amounts to almost $350.00 an hour!!! I could have gotten a Vegas Hooker for that much and at least then I would have enjoyed being screwed!
When I returned from work that evening I loaded the Frigidaire Dishwasher with dirty flatware, plates, bowls, glasses and some soap. I closed the door and pressed start. It filled with water, and… “whirrrrrrr” – no dice! No impeller rotation! Just the motor sitting there, spinning its wheels (or gears)! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Many loud, angry and somewhat creative expletives flew from my mouth!
The next day I called the repairman/hooker back and asked what the &*$#. Unlike a hooker, he said he would come back out and check the motor-shaft/impeller connection free of charge. When he got there he told me that my diagnosis was correct and that the problem was the impeller and that it had just “caught correctly” when he was there last.
Joy! I thought, let’s just slap a new impeller in there and wash some dishes! Of course, that was a stupid pipe dream. I listened as the tech told me that Frigidaire (in their infinite engineering wisdom) hot-mounted the impeller to the motor shaft and that the only way to get a new impeller was to get a whole new “motor/impeller assembly.”
Whenever you hear the term “assembly” used by a technician in naming a part for most any device, just envision that word being spelled with nothing but dollar signs. The new “assembly” would cost around $150.00 PLUS the labor to install it! Sonovabittybittybug! Suddenly we were back to the hooker scenario – “if you want that, it's gonna cost extra, honey.”
Now, back to Wednesday Morning Fights.
When the Consumer Care Representative answered the phone, I decided to go in nice and easy and, if need be, start hitting her with verbal hooks and body shots. I calmly explained my problem and she told me that she totally understood my unhappiness. Sure.
I made a few charming jokes and quips as we talked and we seemed to have a nice rapport. I could hear her typing things on her keyboard. I listened to her politely stall as information came back to her. I hummed a song to myself.
She then started speak again and I got my best verbal right hook ready… only to pull it back. She informed me that Frigidaire would be happy to send me a new motor/impeller assembly at no charge! She also told me that two vital O-rings would probably be damaged when taking off the old assembly so she would send replacements for those as well. I told her how awesome that was and made a couple more jokes before we hung up.
That was probably the single most productive and satisfying phone call I have EVER had with a woman. Thanks, Consumer Care Representative Kim.
Now, if I could get Frigidaire to fix other broken crap in my life for free, like:
- my car a/c,
- my cruise control,
- my back yard,
- a couple of friendships,
- my luck with women,
- my roof,
- my dog’s teeth,
- my financial needs,
- my curved spine,
- my hairy back,
- my heart,
- blah, blah, blah.
By the way, I still have to pay the tech to install the new part, but he said it wouldn’t cost too much because… it’ll be a quickie!
Wayne
it sounds like you got a happy ending!
ReplyDeleteAt least this time you can avoid the crabs.
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ReplyDelete