King

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 3 Number 25
King

For you.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom, in a faraway land…

A king without heir was lying on his deathbed. He knew that soon he would pass and his beloved kingdom would fall to his evil enemies.

He ordered the royal couriers, by the thousands, to go to the farthest reaches of his rule to deliver a simple message. In a fortnight, all the best men of the kingdom should report to the royal palace for an audience with the king.

The subjects under this particular king's rule were very loyal. He was a great king and true to his people. Were he not born to his throne he surely would have elected. He was loved.

On the day requested, thousands of men from the kingdom reported as requested. The king, as sick as he was, interviewed each of the men individually at his bedside while each was pampered as if he were already king. During each interview the subjects were given the best food, drink, song, massage, shave and other luxuries afforded a king.

After all of the interviews were over the king told these men, via messenger, to wait outside the palace gates while he made his decision. He met with his advisor who happened to also be his royal wizard. Then he was given a potion and the king slept for a month.

When he awoke he was brought to the veranda to address these fine men. He spoke...

"While each of you possess certain qualities of a king - some of you with more, some of you with less, I am sorry to say that none of you can be my successor"

"A true king would never think he was the best man and, therefore, would not have come. For a king must be humble and know he is only as great as his subjects."

"You may think I would now choose a man who did not come. But, alas, I cannot. For a king also must not be so intimidated as to not stand up."

"So who should be king? Well, unknown to you all - as you were being pampered so was every man who stayed behind. I then gave the trimmings and clippings from each man to the royal wizard and for the past month he has worked his magic to bestow upon you your new king."

An ordinary looking man stepped out onto the veranda to join his highness. He was normal in every way and he bowed to the king and even to the men before him.

The king continued, "This man is your new king. He is the best man to sit in the throne because he is indeed all of the best qualities of each man in the kingdom and because he comes from each one of you he is indeed only as great as his subjects."

Having said his peace, the king slumped and with his last ounce of strength he handed his royal scepter to his successor. Then he exhaled, one last time, and he passed.

The crowd gasped.

And the new king wept.

The End.

I have, in my life, learned from every great person I have met. I have even learned from the not so great people I have met. I have tried to take the knowledge – the “trimmings and clippings” – and make myself a better man.

Every day, though it doesn’t always feel like it, is better for me and for the man I am to become. Sometimes I slip and take a fall. However, one of the most important things I have learned from the people I have known is to get back up and continue my journey.

Until Next Time,

Wayne

PS I haven’t heard anything on that stupid song. I guess, like a lot of things, I am just going to let it go.

Mix-Tape Death

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 3 Number 24
Mix-Tape Death

I have had several thoughts on what this edition of Wayne’s Words might say.

I was going to give you a list of my likes and dislikes. Suffice to say I like lots and lots of stuff. I dislike some stuff. Done. Actually, I will still do it, but later.

I could tell you that I have been working on chores and such all weekend, but you probably have already guessed that since I have no “special” one to go do fun things with.

I could tell you that recently I have been the loneliest have been in a couple of months, because the person I want to talk to most - I cannot.

But, Friday night something came up to supplant all of those thoughts: a mix-tape.

It started when someone I hold very dear mentioned they heard (Don’t Go Back To) Rockville by R.E.M. and was reminded of a mix-tape that was playing in my truck 20 years ago. What a memory! It must have really meant something. Well, I stated that the mix-tape in question was currently in the cassette deck in my garage and that I still listen to it when I am piddling.

I really like this mix-tape. It was made for me in the late 80’s by “#2 The Artist Co-Ed” (reference: WAYNE’S WORDS - Volume 3 Number 15 - Mystery Machine). It was a bunch of cool tunes that I didn’t really know at the time, because I was mostly listening to Van Halen, Aerosmith, ZZ TOP and the like. Thank you #2 for opening the door to even more music for me to like (now I actually like almost everything).

Anyway, after discussing this 22 year-old mix-tape, I decided to do something I have always wanted to do. I (or someone else in my stead) was going to have it made into a cd before the tape finally suffers from a dirty-deck, music-eating death historically suffered by many celluloid masterpieces. If you have lived long enough to know cassettes, you know what I mean. I am surprised the damned thing has lasted this long.

It would be easy enough to make a digital version of the mix-tape with all the resources like Rhapsody, iTunes and such out there in cyberspace at our disposal. Piece of cake.

As I said previously, 22 years ago I didn’t know the music on the mix-tape. As I listened over the years and my musical vision and horizons broadened I pretty much came to know all of the artists on the mix-tape and, subsequently, other music from them. So. To start the digital process, all I had to do was compile the list of songs. Eezee Peezee Lemon Sqeezee.

The songs on the mix-tape by artists I didn’t know or was not sure of would be easy to find. Just pop a lyric into the search engine of choice and presto! I went through and did this for every song on the tape just to make sure all of my titles, spellings and artists were correct.

There was always this one song on the tape that I could never figure out. It is a nice song about lost love or a leaving woman or whatever, but I never knew whom it was by. Well, that one came up and I happily hopped on the interweb and punched in a portion of the lyrics and……….nothin’! What? Every other song on the mix-tape came up with 50 billion matching results in .00013 nanoseconds! Why is this song so damned special?

I spent an interweb eternity searching for this song. I tried different search engines, searches within sites, sub-searches within sub-sites, etc. Still, nothing. I even went as far as to type the entire song into Microsoft Word – copied and pasted the whole thing in the multiple search engines and….STILL NOTHING!

I searched the interweb for nearly 2 hours. If you cannot find something on the web in that period of time – the damned thing does not exist. I was about to make the whole mix-tape, my cassette deck, my garage; both my vehicles and my whole house cease to exist, because I was soooo frustrated! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I worked on this late Friday night and part of Saturday! The more I worked on it the more aggravated I became. In addition to the web searches, I even contacted and sent the lyrics to the person who gave me the mix-tape! No luck. Oh, she got back to me, but she had no clue what artist did the song! (Before any of you get your hopes up of me “finding” someone – she is happily married and living on the east coast.) I have since eMailed her the list of all the songs on the mix-tape in hopes that the compilation will help jog her memory. I haven’t heard back yet.

I had decided that the song is by an indie-label group at best. More than likely a regional or circuit band that played on campus in Corbett Center or something and #2 bought their cd/tape at the show. I can just kind of tell these things from the quality of the recording (it is too clean), the arrangement of the song (every stringed instrument has a solo so each player gets to be showcased) and the fact that it does not exist in cyberspace. It was probably a little bar or campus band that scraped together a few hundred bucks and went to the recording studio in their hometown and said, “We wanna make a demo.”

I was about to burn down my house in frustration when a reprieve came in the form of an invitation to play darts and drink a couple of beer with my boss. Perfect! He and his wife are total 80philes! They might be able to help me! They even lived here in the correct time frame to have possibly seen these guys play on campus or wherever. Plus my boss has some music identifier app on his iPhone!

I got to the boss’ house and, after dusting off an old tape player and splicing some speaker wire, we proceeded to listen. We listened to the whole mix-tape leading up to the stupid song in hopes of putting their heads into the right frame of reference. When the song came on all I saw was blank stares. Even the iPhone had a blank look on its face. The stupid app couldn’t recognize the song either. DAMMIT!

So, here is my request. I am giving you the lyrics of this song. Please copy and paste them into an eMail and send it to everyone you know. Have them forward it to everyone they know. I want this damned lyric to become one of those ubiquitous forwards that go around the world a million times. I will also include an eMail for me at the end of the lyrics so when someone knows they can contact me. Thanks. I NEED TO KNOW! Doesn’t this song even kinda sound like my life? So weird!

How many times do I have to tell you that I love you, tell me

Oh what do I have to say?

None of the time I spent with you

I wouldn’t believe you if you would say

Please don’t tell me that is all

Cause I’m not ready for the fall

So please don’t tell me that is all

Why do you ask about the other girl?

She never asks me about you

It seems so funny but no ones laughin’

Cause deep inside they know that I’m blue

If you tell me that is all

I’m not ready for the fall

So please don’t tell me that is all

So please don’t tell me that is all

How many times do I have to tell you that I need you, tell me

Oh what do I have to do?

All of my life I searched for someone

Now I find out that it is you

So please don’t tell me that is all

Cause I’m not ready for the fall

So please don’t tell me that is all

So please don’t tell me that is all

Please eMail me at batwaynes@yahoo.com and tell me who did this song and where I can get a digital copy of it.

Thank you.

Until Next Time,

Wayne