COLOSSUS

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 3 Number 11
COLOSSUS

It all started a few weeks ago. I went to the ReStore to get ad copy. The manager wasn’t in, but would be there in about 20 minutes. I found myself in a strange state of limbo: not enough time to go see another client and a little long to wait. I decided to wait and as I did I perused the used books they have in the store.

I often look through the books and find old “best of,” sci-fi, short story compilations from the early 70s and the 60s. I really like reading older science fiction. As I rooted around the tomes, a book caught my eye. It was called The Fall of Colossus, by D.F. Jones. It was sci-fi, so as I waited I started reading it.

It was interesting enough and I had read 20 pages, so I figured I should buy it. After I paid I stopped to read the dust jacket and found that this book was actually a sequel.

DAMMIT. Now I have to find the first book. I cannot read the second one before I read the first – call me anal, but I just can’t.

I went back to the shelves and… no luck. Oh, well. It won’t be hard to find. The first book, Colossus is a sci-fi book from 1966 should be easy to find. I never have a hard time in locating old sci-fi paperbacks. COAS, Amazon, Half.com – easy.

I put the book on a table in the house and tried to forget about it until I could go hunting for its companion. It kept haunting me. It kept staring at me. It kept mocking me. It kept daring me. It beckoned to me to go and seek out the first book.

COAS (an incredible used book store in Las Cruces) here I come. Looking. Looking. Looking. Nothing in the hard back section. Around the corner to the massive sci-fi paperback collection I went. Nothing. There were other D.F. Jones books, but not the one I sought. Went to the COAS Solano branch and had the same dismal luck. COAS has everything in the universe except this book.

I was getting quite irritated.

I searched Barnes and Noble. ZERO.

I searched Hasting’s. NADA.

Amazon or Half.com were next.

I found it at Amazon for five or six bucks, but they were priced upwards to $65.00!!!! What the hell? Is this book that good. I mean, $65 dollars for good condition paperback? Really? Needless to say, I bought the almost fair condition copy.

When I found Colossus, I also found out something very distressing. D.F. Jones ended up making it a trilogy. Crap! Another book I gotta get. Shouldn’t be hard, right? Wrong.

Colossus and the Crab, in paperback format everywhere I looked online was priced at no less than $74.50!!! What the expletive? This one wasn’t even nearly as old. It was written in 1977! It was also said to be the worst in the trilogy. I found that out from the various online forums I ended up reading about the trilogy.

I am not paying $75.00 for a paperback book!

Now I had to read. I can’t read Colossus or The Fall of Colossus; I don’t have the third one. I will be damned if I am going to start on that trilogy and then never be able to finish it because the third installment is a Zillion dollars! And Yes, I checked the library and couldn’t find it.

As I said, now I just HAD to read. So, I started reading 2010 Odyssey Two (Arthur C. Clarke). I also have 2061 and 3001 at home so I can finish up that quadrilogy. Calm down, I know I didn’t start with 2001 A Space Odyssey, but that was because I have read it a few times and the last time was just a little bit over three years ago, so it was still fresh in my mind.

I was happy. I had thrown those other two stupid books on the shelf and I was enjoying the Arthur C. Clarke adventure. My reading life was on track.

“wayne….wayne……..wayne………….wayne”

The books kept calling me, like a pack of cigarettes call a recent quitter.

“wayne….wayne……..wayne………….wayne”

Day and night they haunted me. They disturbed my sleep. They interrupted Arthur C. Clarke’s storytelling. I screamed in the night that I cannot pay $75 for a paperback. Not only can’t, but WILL not!!!! Leave me alone. Get out of my head!

At work, some time later, I relayed the story to our production manager, Jen. She just laughed at me, but informed me that Lux (one of our awesome ad designers) was going to Tucson the following weekend and might be glad to stop by a used bookstore and check for me. Now that I think of it, Lux was kind of drafted. Poor kid.

The books kept haunting me. There was no more time. I could not fight them anymore.

I was brow beaten by this stupid trilogy. What was so important about it? Why was it so hard to get and so expensive to complete? Why was the cosmos trying to keep it from me yet taunting and mocking me at the same time? I now feared the books and the deep secrets that reside within. I just cannot pay $75.00 (and, actually up to $140.00) for a mass market, sci-fi paperback!

Friday morning came. Lux was in Tucson and I was in production wringing my hands. Relaying to Jen how this was disturbing me and how, inside these books, there may actually be something that would cause my ultimate demise or possibly lift me up to a higher state of being and consciousness. Worse yet, what if the cosmos is trying to keep me from reading these books (yet daring me to at the same time) because when I finish them everything will end?

As we talked about it more, I was searching the internet again and found a copy on a website called Alibris. It is a used and out of print book locator/seller. $3.99 plus $3.00 shipping. ADD TO CART! I breathed easier, knowing I had finally gotten the third installment and that it was in the mail.

Tuesday came back around and so did Lux… with a copy of Colossus and the Crab!!! She found it at a used book store in Tucson for $2.00. That proved not to be quite so simple, because when she asked the staff they didn’t know if there was one in the store (their computer said no) and that those books were VERY hard to get! Lux, like the trooper she is, went through the labyrinth of bookshelves and emerged victorious. I almost felt bad telling her that I had ordered one, but I did and we both decided I could sell it.

I check my email that afternoon and I had a message from Alibris:

ORDER CANCELLATION NOTICE.

You recently ordered the item listed below. We were just informed that this item is no longer available from the particular Alibris seller you had selected.

As a result, we have had to cancel the item and remove it from your order.

The cosmos thought I could be beaten. Thank God for Lux!

When I picked the boy up from school and dropped him off at the house I also checked my mail. Bill, crap, bill, insurance card, book, bill, crap. Wait! Book? I was afraid to open it. It couldn’t be. They DID NOT have it and they told me so. They refunded my money. With trembling hands I opened the package. Colossus and the Crab! It doesn’t make sense. They did not have the book, but it found me anyway! Now twice!

I cannot read these books for all life will end as I finish the final words. I don’t want to do that to you people. I don’t want to, but I have to. The universe is telling me that I shouldn’t and also that I should all at the same time. It is hard for an honest man hear that he is desired so much, but at the same time should not, cannot touch! Why does the universe love/hate me so?!?!?!!?

As I said before, during the course of all of this I started reading the Space Odyssey quadrilogy. Last night I finished 2010. The universe pleads with me to read the Colossus trilogy, but the universe will have to wait. I can’t quit this series in the middle. I will read Colossus on my terms, and when I get to it. It doesn’t control me, though it tries. I ain’t gonna take no crap from no damned book.

So, people I am giving you a few weeks reprieve (in the event that my reading of this elusive trilogy results in our destruction). Please live well, honestly, with integrity and with joy in your hearts, because if I cause the end of our universe by reading this thing, I want you all to go to a better place.

Until Next Time (hopefully),

Wayne

INSOMNIA

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 3 Number 10
INSOMNIA

Ed. Note: I wrote this early this morning during yet another bout with insomnia. It is just what hit the keyboard. I initially started it just so I could at least be productive since I was awake. Alas, I don’t think the productivity plan actually panned out.

• Hi.
• It is about four a.m.
• I woke up at 1:45.
• Couldn’t go back to sleep.
• Still can’t.
• I hate this.
• I tried all things except drugs.
• The boy is sleeping soundly.
• My bed is cold.
• My mind is racing.
• I finally found and ordered a 43 year old book that I wanted.
• I have the second in the trilogy to that book.
• The final installment (32 years old) costs 75 bux – and itsa paperback!
• Dammit!
• Maybe I should clean the house.
• Work is good.
• I need to work harder.
• I could go sing songs in the garage.
• It’s too late or early for that.
• My dish receiver broke twice tonight.
• I lost all my recorded shows.
• Dammit!
• Love is funny or stupid.
• Did I pay my bills this month?
• I need a shoulder.
• I already have a shrink.
• My toe hurts a little.
• I just heard someone in the driveway.
• It was just the wind.
• I’m not hungry.
• There is another piece of that broken beer bottle from last week.
• Being a grown up sucks.
• Too much responsibility.
• Can’t just do what you want.
• I should get wireless headphones for my bedroom TV.
• The dog’s breath is stinky.
• Why are things like they are?
• Sometimes trying seems futile.
• Blah. Blah. Blah.
• Kjbdiolobdd
• llfdsdoruf mpflf;lk-39
• Oops, lost focus.
• My house seems small.
• So do other things.
• Wish it was bigger.
• Why “go fly a kite!” as a comeback? It sounds like fun, it doesn’t sound bad.
• I miss Archie Comics.
• Read half of 2010: Odyssey Two, by Arthur C. Clarke since I couldn’t sleep.
• Usually fall right to sleep when I read.
• Why is it called a Tomato anyway?
• Maybe I should put on pants in case someone comes by.
• I can’t think.
• The dog is barking at something in the back.
• Wind again.
• Can’t beat up the wind.
• 30 pounds in six weeks, but my stomach is flat.
• Cracked rib is still sore.
• Then I will work out.
• Are there any strip clubs open this late/early?
• I would have to get dressed.
• I just heard the boy snore for a second.
• My eyes feel heavy.
• Body is tired.
• Train won’t stop, but won’t stay on track either.
• I wonder if my ship is sinking.
• I need to hook up the cooler pretty soon.
• I wish we had some pie in the house.
• I would love to eat some pie right now.
• I’m not good enough.
• I don’t know if there was a moon tonight.
• So uncertain.
• I heard a bird chirping.
• Already?
• Go to bed, bird!
• Watch out, worm.
• My stupid wisdom tooth holes keep getting debris in them.
• Stupid wisdom teeth.
• $1,700 bucks!
• Stupid teeth, stupid gums.
• Someone answer that damned telephone!
• My ears keep ringing.
• God it is loud, especially when it is so quiet.
• I wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere along the way.
• I knew I should have turned left in Albuquerque.
• I am so boring.
• Too bad I can’t bore myself to sleep.
• Idiot.
• It is 4:30.
• I should really try.
• Nothing has worked.
• What if I wang my head against something?
• Unconscious – not the same as sleep.
• Just got a chill.
• Going to get in bed.
• Maybe if I stop trying it will work out.

Until Next Time,

Wayne