I STILL WANT WAYNE! ’08!

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 2 Number 05
I STILL WANT WAYNE! ’08!

So, now you all know who I am bringing to the table when I win in ’08. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, go back and read I Want Wayne! ’08!) I do not believe that ANYONE could beat my cabinet choices. I also know for a fact that NO one else can get my cabinet choices, they being mostly fictitious and all.

You may not yet know my political leanings so I guess I should tell you.

I am not really a conservative and not really a liberal.

I am an American.

• I believe we should defend our country AND others.
• I believe we should know and control who is coming into our country.
• I believe welfare has become a hand out instead of a hand up.
• I believe politicians are pinheads and spend our money like a College Freshman with his/her Daddy’s American Express.
• I believe political correctness is killing us. Look at that last statement…A simple sentence cannot even be written without taking into consideration that someone is going to get ticked off.
• I believe true hate crimes should be punished severely…in fact criminals in general should be punished severely!
• I believe much of America has lost their pride, honor, respect and love for their Country, Jobs, Families and Selves.
• I believe censorship is something that should be attended to by parents.
• I believe in pro-choice, but I would have a very difficult time doing it myself.
• I believe that one’s relationship with God or gods is up to the individual and should never be questioned by another.
• I believe that the display of a religious symbol is NOT preaching or brainwashing and should not be banned from public property. There is also NO reason NOT to call the holiday that is celebrated by 86% of the country by its name. The 14% who might possibly be offended should shut the hell up and celebrate their own holiday and take advantage of the sales and savings ANYONE can get during the season. (psst… I am talking about CHRISTMAS!!!!)
• I believe global warming is happening to a certain extent, but the reasons are still unknown. People who throw out other possible hypotheses as to the reasons are Science Nazis! The world used to be flat until someone said (against that which was “the truth”) “hey wait a minute….” Plus weathermen cannot get this weekend’s weather predicted without screwing it up, how can we trust them to predict what is going to be the case in 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years.
• I believe we need to clean up our planet even more than we have. We are one of the most, if not the most regulated country on the globe when it comes to pollution. Still, we take all the crap and everything is our fault. Bite me! Hey! Everybody else! Get on it!
• I believe that as we search for alternate energy sources we should drill where we have oil! No better way to bring the price down and also get ourselves off the foreign oil teat. We really need a viable new way, but this is all we have right now.
• I believe child molesters, rapists and murders should be killed. Sorry, but that is the way it is. It will deter at least that ONE person from doing it, because they cannot if they are dead.
• I believe the government will not stop taxing us until they get it all!

Man, I could keep writing this forever. There are so many issues. There are so many topics. I guess I am more conservative when it comes to the financial and governmental side of things and a little more liberal when it comes to the social side of things.

I am not running in 2008 with the Democratic Party nor the Republican Party. I am running with the AMERICAN PARTY.

We have become a watered down, crappy version of ourselves when OTHER people do wrong we blame…us. That is as stupid as blaming others when you do wrong. We have gotten off of the path and the road ahead looks bumpy as hell. I just want an America that is a lot like it was when I was a kid AND I want an America that is a lot different than it was when I was a kid.

No, I am not confused… I am an American.

So, now…. Who should be my VP??????

Until Next Time,
Wayne

I WANT WAYNE! ’08!

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 2 Number 04
I WANT WAYNE! ’08!

I read in the paper today that New Mexico FINALLY got the votes counted from Super Tuesday. It only took our grand ol’ state 10 days to complete such a daunting task. Come on, cut them some slack – they had to count a whole 145,000 votes. That is hard work in a state that is not known for being the brightest bulb in the chandelier that is America.

Oh, by the way, Hellary took it.

As I have said before, I think all of the politicians are pinheads. I believe that I have also stated that I, myself, am not the smartest guy in the room. With that qualification being stated I am throwing my hat in the ring.

VOTE WAYNE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

We could make cool buttons and bumper stickers that say “I Want Wayne! ’08!”

Now, like the other pinheads in the race, I will not tell you what I am going to do once I get in office. I have learned that you don’t do that in politics. I really don’t want to sling mud at people either. I know you are supposed to, but it is not really my cup of tea. Tell you what. I will tell you not WHAT I bring to the table, but who I will bring to the table.

I WILL NAME MY CABINET…

Surgeon General, Dr. Jack Shepard (from LOST). If Jack can make a girl with a destroyed spine walk, then he is my man. Plus, after she could walk, he married her. THAT is compassion!

Attorney General, Lionel Hutz (from the Simpsons). Sure he seems smarmy, but what lawyer doesn’t?

Secretary of State, Aunt Bee (from The Andy Griffith Show). Who could say no to or sass Aunt Bee? No one I tell you! She would be the perfect person to sit down with world leaders and straighten things out. She would just bake up a rhubarb pie and pour a few tall glasses of cold buttermilk and settle things.

Secretary of Labor, Hunt Stevenson (Michael Keaton’s character from Gung Ho!). I don’t know, but that stuff he learned from those Japanese guys seemed to work!

Secretary of Energy, Mr. Burns (from the Simpsons). Nuclear Energy, when run right and monitored closely works miracles. Mr. Burns can also “spin” things with the best of them. “Oh, meltdown. It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.”

Secretary of Interior, Ted Nugent. He likes rockin’, he loves the outdoors! If you litter or screw with the wilderness he will shoot you with a flaming arrow.

Secretary of Defense, John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone’s Character from the Rambo series). ‘Nuff said.

Secretary of Treasury, Dave Ramsey. He is a financial wizard. The only real annoyance would be all the envelopes for savings he would have adorning the Oval Office. I am also afraid that if we needed to invade a country and I didn’t have enough money in my “Squashing Dictatorial Governments” envelope – he would say we have to wait. I like him, though.

Secretary of Education, Rick Latimer (Jim Belushi’s role in The Principal). He would kick all those little punks’ asses and make them want to learn.

Secretary of Commerce, Bill Gates. Let’s face it the man knows how to run business.

Secretary of Agriculture, Mr. Green Jeans (from the Captain Kangaroo Show). He always brought the Captain the prettiest vegetables.

Secretary of Transportation, Paul Teutul Sr. (from American Chopper). I think all of our modes of transport should look cool and he and his team would make that happen. Awesome!

Secretary of Homeland Security, John McClane (Bruce Willis’ character from the Die Hard Series). 2 words… Yippee-ki-yay, motherf….

Secretary of Health and Human Services, Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie’s character from House M.D.). He seems like a good pick, but then again, he might just let us all die.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Bob Villa. Let’s face it certain parts of “This Old House Country” could use the attention of this man.

So, that’s who is coming with me in ’08… now I need campaign contributions.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

The New Adventures of Old Wayne

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 2 Number 03
The New Adventures of Old Wayne

Today is February 6, 2008.

Yesterday was:

• Fat Tuesday – who cares I am not in the Big Easy,
• Super Tuesday – who cares the politicians are all pinheads,
• My Birthday – I am another year older and I care.

Yes, kids, I turned the ripe old age of 41. I know, I know, I don’t look a day over 40. Thanks, I appreciate that. You are too kind.

So, I am officially in my 40s and I find myself taking stock of my life and looking at the world around me… and wondering what happened. Here are some observations about life and my world around me. (See, I do these lists so I don’t have to have one continuous thought thread.)

• I was born to two wonderful parents. One man and one woman…you know, old school.
• I grew up in various neighborhoods around the world where we could run around from dawn ‘til dusk and not worry about getting snatched or shot.
• As a child, I learned what women’s bodies looked like by thumbing through Playboys that I “borrowed” from the top of my Dad’s closet. I also learned that I liked what they looked like.
• Through my school years, I only got in fist fights when there was absolutely no way out of it or if I was incredibly sure that I could win. (jokes)
• I still believe that laughter is the best medicine... unless you are terminally ill then you really should give medicine a try.
• I have a wonderful son who, no matter how trying he may get, is the light of my life.
• I have an incredible girlfriend who reminds me everyday how good she is for me. Not through her words, but through her actions and the way she makes me feel.
• I realized yet again today that I hate it when guys wear white sunglasses…it just looks too damned fruity.
• I know that I am old now, because I never understood the whole “jeans at butt hole level” thing. My dad says he never understood why, in the 80s, we never tied our high tops. Now that I think of it I don’t know why we didn’t either.
• I like that fact that I finally feel that I can talk to my parents as if I am an adult. I know I am not in their eyes, because I am still their little boy, but I know they listen differently than they used too… as do I.
• Even though I am 41 and I am an adult I still sulk whenever I remember that Firefly is NEVER coming back to TV. What a baby I am when it comes to that. I really need to let go, but I just cannot!!!
• I have reached the age where people expect me to yell at drivers running red lights so…I do, as I honk my horn and scream that they are probably a bunch of hoodlum teenagers.
• I don’t know if it is the way I look, or carry myself, or the clothes I wear, but more often than not, when I am in just about ANY retail outlet, customers always query me about where items are. It even happened at the library in the reference section. I always help them the best that I can. I even sold a car for one of my clients, because the people walked right up to me thinking I was on the clock.
• Being older and “wiser” now, I am rereading that last bullet point and wondering if I was just getting “hit on” all these years. I hope not, because the only people who approached me for “help,” were hideous, troll-like people who, even when I had very low standards, stood no chance with me.
• I also am old enough to not care if you think I am snobby or shallow for that last statement. HA.
  
• Get off my lawn!!!!!

Well, since I am older and it is almost five o’clock, I have to go. I am late for the early bird special at Furr’s.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

Oh! Turn your damned music down! I’m napping!