OK! OK! OK!

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 2 Number 02
OK! OK! OK!

I have had a busy year, alright! I know it is only the end of January, but it has been eventful. I actually didn’t think anyone read this blog, but you the (11) people who read this have spoken and demanded a new one so here I am at the keyboard…

I have one thing for this year to check off of my list of things to do. Get food poisoning? Check.

***WARNING:***

***THE FOLLOWING***

***MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ANYONE***

Yes, I had it and I had it bad! OMG it was the worst thing on the planet. I barely made it home to the comforts of my own bathroom before the explosive diarrhea hit. I am talking about the kind that makes you feel as if you have actually turned inside out.

I thought the green chile salsa may have just been extra hot and hit me extra hard in a one time thunderous manner that is not totally uncommon in the Southwest. So, I lay down on the bed and told the girlfriend that I just needed to rest for a few minutes. We both were taking it pretty lightly and she was poking me in the stomach and we were laughing about it. We were laughing until I had to jump up again and hit the head two more times. This was not your ordinary Alimentary Canal Chile Challenge. This was indeed food poisoning.

The girl did not have any signs of it – she had no salsa. Mom, who had gone to eat with us that day and had ingested only about a teaspoon of salsa, had a mild, few hour bout. I ate an entire bowl of green chile salsa. Oh no! Damn my insatiable hunger for hot peppers and spicy food. This time it may just kill me.

Well, it didn’t actually kill me (I don’t think), but I was down for about three days with diarrhea, vomiting (coincidentally the same color) and fever. I could not walk, I was weak, I was in pain, I was hot, I was cold, and I was sure that this was the end.

Just a small reminder for whenever you are sick – never watch any movies that have to do with plague. I made the mistake of watching 12 Monkeys (Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt) while in a feverish, trying to stay hydrated haze. While in that state, I was sure that I had contracted the plague portrayed in the movie as one that killed 5 Billion people. My fever convinced me that I was the first case and all of humanity would have to move underground after my disease spread. Call the CDC! Get me in a bubble! Save the Wayne, Save the World.

Oh lord, please deliver me from this pain. Please take me home. Infect not my loved ones. Infect not my friends. Infect not the world.

Boy, fever is quite interesting.

I got better.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

PS I was left a reminder of the fever and the hell I went through in the form of a case of fever blisters that are just now healing up.

Egocentric Stream of Consciousness

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 2 Number 01
Egocentric Stream of Consciousness

• I have been outta whack lately.
• I like music with electric guitars in it.
• I wear my heart on my sleeve.
• I am sick of politicians. Not one of them is worth a crap.
• I am tired.
• I am generally a very funny fellow. (Just not lately.)
• I try and I try and I try.
• I sometimes cry.
• I often laugh.
• I am sick of the government taking so much of my money.
• I still like cartoons.
• I wish happiness for my son.
• I still daydream about being in the movies.
• I wish I could get better results… generally.
• I am white.
• I am male.
• I am heterosexual.
• I realize all of the country’s problems are my fault. (See the previous 3 entries.)
• I like Diet Coke.
• I really gotta quit smoking.
• I am working on it!
• I like to sing when no one is listening.
• I like to honk at idiots running red lights.
• I am sick of every road in town being under construction at the same time.
• I am American.
• I miss my Dad.
• I like warm weather.
• I used to have a morning radio show.
• I need more time.
• I am distracted.
• I am a divorced dad.
• I still hold out hope that they will put Firefly back on the air.
• I love my girlfriend.
• I do the best I can.
• I wish I had more suits.
• I want play games with my boy.
• I want to do better at my job.
• I recently became addicted to America’s Next Top Model.
• I once saw Alan Alda driving his car.
• I don’t go to church.
• I say “under God” when reciting the Pledge.
• I am tired of Political Correctness gone amuck.
• I liked school.
• I have made mistakes.
• I was friends with a Playboy model.
• I wear size 12 shoes.
• I love Oreos
• I like to sit and just let my mind wander.
• I am often mistaken for crazy.
• I have never done illegal drugs.
• I like to go to any body of water and drown worms.
• I wish I could suddenly play guitar or piano.
• I have a phone that is on analog roam where I am sitting in my office right now.
• I missed a call from Mom.
• I will call her back.
• I like to cook for the people in my house.
• I need to clean up the back yard.
• I need to clean the house.
• I made the beds this morning.
• I could stay in the shower for all of eternity.
• I just looked at the clock.
• I need to get going.

Until Next Time,
Wayne