What's New Pussycat?

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 1 Number 16
What’s New Pussycat?

Hi, kids! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did. Friends, family and food. Nothing is better than that! This is, however, the time of year when people start stressing out really bad. Maybe the stress comes from the overload of friends and family. Maybe it comes from the need or desire to buy presents for everyone, then realizing that you have to cut the amount per person or cut the number of people. Oh, what to do?

It seems that during the Holiday Season we all become dogs. Yes, dogs. We want to please everyone. We want treats. We want to go for a ride (to Christmas Parties). We like our chew toys, but want that other dog’s chew toy at the same time. Grrrrrrrrrrr. We go to functions with our old pack and sniff the butts of the dogs there we don’t know. Woof! Woof!

Ah, to be a cat. Now, before you start calling me names that are synonymous with cat, hear me out.

Think how nice it would be to:

• Just lie down anywhere in any position you want and just not care. Purr.
• Walk past people and paying them no mind if you don’t want to. Purrr.
• Decide you don’t like someone and just scratch ‘em then runaway and go about your day. Purrrr.
• Eat the food in your bowl until it is empty then loudly cry until someone fills it for you. If they give you something you don’t like; walk away with your tail up high showing them exactly what they can kiss. Purrrrr.
• Be given treats just because. No need to do a trick. Purrrrrr
• Poop and pee and have someone else take care of “flushing” you litter box. Purrrrrrr.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Cats have no worries, because they do not care what anyone thinks. Cats look out for number one. Hiss!

My cat, Charley, hates women and makes no bones about it. If there is a woman within arm’s reach of her… SCRATCH - HISS – SCRATCH. She doesn’t care. She just does her best to take them out. Really, blood has been shed.

My girlfriend’s cat, Jake, has allergies. I think he may actually be allergic to cats. It sucks when you are allergic to yourself. His eyes get all “goopy” and instead of using a towel or washcloth: he gets the goop off by shaking his head. Goop flies all over the light colored carpet and tile. Jake doesn’t care. The humans will clean it up. You can almost see the cartoon speech balloon over his head after he has shaken off all the goop he can, “Dab my eyes for me kind lady.”

Our office cat, Nickel, is a pile of orange laziness. Much of his day is spent on our production manager’s desk, curled up in an “in” basket underneath a lamp. If he decides to stretch his legs he usually does so in front of the monitor at ejovj ao(GET OUT OF THE WAY, NICKEL!) at which someone is working. If he is not foiling anyone that way then he is generally walking on whatever someone is trying to read. He will tread across your People magazine and then plop down in the middle of the page you are reading. We still don’t know whatever happened with Jessica Simpson and John Mayer.

I love all of these cats, but they (and all others) really are self-centered.

I guess I don’t really want to be a cat. I'll keep being the dog I am. I like doing tricks. I like getting treats. I like going for rides. I like peeing on things. I like sniffing butts. (Hopefully you know I am speaking metaphorically.)

Maybe this Holiday Season I will just throw in a few moments of being a cat and crawl up on top of the fridge and read a good book or take a nap.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

Board!

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 1 Number 15
Board!

Here we go again. I didn’t do this blog on the day I had set aside to do it. Argh!!! My loyal readers (all three of you) are just going to have to check here every couple of days to see if a new blog has been posted. I can fulfill my promise of once a week, but I seem unable to nail down a day on which to get this thing done. Sorry for any inconvenience.

As I said in my October 10^th edition, I have the time, but I just always seem to be using it for something else. If you have been following along you also know that my family dynamic has changed; both my girlfriend and son now live with me. While the living arrangements are nothing but joyous to me; they have forced me to adjust my schedule, and I am still getting used to it.

When I get home from work the boy and I generally start making dinner. The girlfriend gets home sometime in the middle of that process. By the time she has changed clothes dinner is on the table and we all sit down and fill up on some home cookin’ and chat about the day. After that, the girlfriend cleans up supper while the boy and I work on his homework. Yes, Casa de Wayne is a very efficient place in the evening.

The living arrangements and scheduling changes bring me to this week’s topic. Man, are we having fun. Now that my son lives with us we are doing things a bit differently around Casa de Wayne.

Once the homework is finished the boy gets his choice of free time, and we are so lucky! In this day and age of heaps of channels, oodles of video games and truckloads of toys, 90% of the time my son picks BOARD GAMES!!!!!!! Woo! Hoo!

Board Games are so much fun and we actually learn stuff too. We also tick each other off (in a fun way) and sometimes “accidentally” knock opponents’ game pieces over. Fun! Fun! Fun!

The other night the girlfriend was at some function so it was boys’ night. We ate fried chicken (on the bone) and played Aggravation – a game in which you move your marbles around the board and try to get home. It seems easy enough, except we kept knocking each others marbles back to “start” – it is part of the game. We actually played the exact edition of the game that I have had since I was a kid. We had a blast. I remember that my sister used to cry whenever I would send her marbles back. Tee hee.

The boy really likes Pictionary lately. This is the one that gets us in trouble with the girlfriend. We two boys are just on the same wavelength. We can’t help it if we think alike. The other night I looked at my card to find out what I was supposed to draw and started the timer. We were off! Three grains of sand dropped, I drew a triangle and the boy shouted out RACCOON! He got it! Then we got it! The girlfriend may have actually accused of cheating by using E.S.P. (By the way, the triangle was going to be the ear of the raccoon.)

Monopoly is an old stand by if I feel like losing 85% of the time. That brat boy of mine is very good at that darned game! He just goes for broke! He will have eleven dollars left and then I’ll land on one of his stupid properties and “cha-ching!” We also have a couple different versions of Monopoly (Classic, Star Wars, etc.). It is obviously the same game, but the different looks, properties and pieces just spice it up a bit.

We also play The Game of Knowledge. It is a really cool trivia game because each card has a question for “ages 15 and younger” and a question for “ages 16 and older.” Other trivia games are either too sophisticated for kids or too easy for adults, so this one is perfect. I am thinking of making the boy answer the “16 and older” questions though, because he is just too smart and he beats us all the time.

A game the boy really enjoys is Worst Case Scenario Survival Game. This game asks you questions like: how do you book the safest hotel room in case of fire? And how do you dress for a sandstorm? The bulk of television that the boy actually watches is The Science Channel, so Survivor Man has taught him many things that have proven useful in beating the pants off the rest of us in this game.

In this day and age when we are all logged-on and plugged-in to so many different technological devices that actually isolate us from our fellow human beings, it is very heart-warming that the boy chooses a Board Game as a way to spend his free time. I think it really goes to show that we all (especially kids) crave that interaction with friends and family. There is really no better way to satisfy that craving than with a board game. By design we end up talking, learning and laughing together.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Until Next Time,
Wayne

Volunteer

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 1 Number 14
Volunteer

OK! OK! OK!

Although I am sure that it was no huge loss in your lives I must apologize for not posting a blog on the day I am supposed to. Originally, I designated Wednesdays as my posting day. Then the boy moved in with me (woo! hoo!) and my blog time coincided with the time at which I needed to pick him up at school. So, I moved posting day to Sunday. Perfect – no problems – I could sit there in my jammies or grubby jeans and spew forth whatever would be the topic of the day.

So what happened this Sunday?

Frankly, no smoke and mirrors: I forgot. I was busy doing something that was actually quite worthwhile and one thing led to another and then poof it was today and no blog had been posted. Sorry.

Every year I volunteer to work for the Las Cruces International Mariachi Conference. I work the souvenir stand selling LCIMC shirts and hats and buttons and anything else we have made up for the conference. This year I (along with my girlfriend and two of our friends) sold stuff at the LCIMC Spectacular Concert on Saturday night and then opened up the souvenir stand at the festival in the park on Sunday morning.

The volunteer work doesn’t take much time and it is for a good cause. In case you don’t know, the conference not only brings a several days of great music and artists to the area, but it also brings in hundreds of youngsters from all over the region, nation and hemisphere to learn and practice the art of Mariachi music and Folklorico dance.

As I was working the stand, I had a split second to myself and I thought about what I was doing. I realized that I was doing a good thing. Sure I was having fun and got to hear cool music, but I was helping these kids out. The money we made goes back to the Conference to help it continue next year and the next and the next.

I also volunteer with Mesilla Valley Search and Rescue. We have a meeting once a month and a training session or two every 4 to 6 weeks (although the Dog Team does it every week). On the occasions when we are called out on a search we could be gone for anywhere from 6 hours to 24 hours or more depending on the scope of the mission. In the grand scheme of things that is not really that much time either and we obviously help people.

I want my 10-year-old son to understand this concept. So last Thursday (Search and Rescue meeting night) I told him he needed to go with me. He protested and said he wasn’t really a member because he was too young so he shouldn’t have to attend. I answered by telling him that he helps out with the team by acting as the subject for the dogs to track during practice. I told him that it was only one Thursday a month and that he needed to be there with me.

He went. As it happens, he was also called up in front of the meeting to receive his official Mesilla Valley Search and Rescue badge. Granted, he cannot go on missions and what he can do with the organization is limited by his age, but he still volunteers his time to help train the dogs early Sunday mornings when he can (and trust me – he is NOT a morning person).

Something I would like you to take from the postponement of my blog this week is the fact that we should all volunteer in some capacity. Only volunteer the time you can. Don’t over promise and then not show up. Volunteer for something worthwhile and something that interests you. Volunteer at your church, read a book to children at the library or serve food at a shelter. In my office we have people who champion for the adoption of shelter animals, someone who coaches kids’ soccer, a couple of Search and Rescue guys, church volunteers, political volunteers etc.

Volunteering doesn’t have to be a long term commitment, just pick a Saturday or two during a month when you have time and call up the organization that interests you and see what kind of help they need for that day. If you have two hours to help, tell them you have two hours. They will understand and they will appreciate it.

Trust me. If I can pry myself away from the TV and my son can extract himself from snoozeville to do some volunteer work, I know that you can.

It is good for the community. It is good for the organizations. It is good for your soul.

Until Next Time,
Wayne

IT

WAYNE’S WORDS
Volume 1 Number 13
IT

IT has been sneaking up on us. IT has been quietly waiting in the bushes around our late-summer watering hole. IT has been lying there patiently until we were relaxed and unaware of what was watching us. Without even so much as a growl IT has jumped upon us. We are unable to fight IT so we might as well surrender to IT. The Holiday Season is upon us!

My first realization should have been that I was making a Halloween costume for the boy (that was this past Wednesday – remember). That didn’t register, because I was so busy. The fact that I caught a cold on Tuesday was the real indicator that IT was here.

Today I am at the office as the production staff works on a Holiday publication we are putting out. Somewhere in my pea-brain, through the NyQuil induced mental fog a little Christmas light is starting to shine through. I would jump with glee, but the cold and the over the counter remedies have left me a bit weak.

But, now that I think of it, why in hell would I jump with glee? I am in no way, shape or form ready for the Holiday Season! Are you? Well, we better get that way! IT is here! In 18 days it will be Thanksgiving – can we still say that word? Really. Is it now referred to as Festival of Fall or Harvest Day or Turkey Death Day or what? I just do not know what I am allowed to say anymore.

What about the biggie coming up (dare I say it?)? Shhhhhhhhh. Christmas is only 51 days away. Frankly, I say CHRISTMAS and I am proud to say it. I don’t know why some people (an actual minority in this country) are offended by it. So I will say it loud and proud! CHRISTMAS!!

In the America in which I grew up, the Holiday Season (a blanket title used only to collect all the biggies under a two word umbrella) was a time of peace and joy. IT was a time of giving and togetherness. Lately IT seems to have become a time of bickering and hatefulness.

Last Wednesday (October 31^st), as I tried to get around the Lohman construction mess, I drove past a school. All of the children were outside playing at recess and not one was in any sort of Halloween costume. Poor little twerps! That was one of the best days of school when I was a kid. You got to go to school dressed as a cowboy or an astronaut or a princess or a ghost. You got to go classroom trick or treating. It was an awesome day. Now it is just a random Wednesday because someone will be offended.

I remember around Thanksgiving we all made Pilgrim hats and Indian (I’m sorry) Native American headdresses. We learned how the Indi…er Native Americans helped the Pilgrims with their crops and everyone sat down and feasted and gave thanks for such a bountiful harvest. Now we are supposed to be apologizing for the conquering the new world. I’m sorry. Are we the only sovereign nation that has to continue to apologize for building a country? I know ugly things happened, but it has been a couple hundred some-odd years. I still like to give thanks that we have made it this far and that for all its faults we live in the greatest country on the planet. Plus, I love the skin off the Turkey. MMMMMMMMMM!

What about Christmas? 86% of the citizens of the United States of America say that they believe in God. There you go majority wins! That doesn’t mean other religions are wrong or bad. I just think it means that you can put on a Christmas concert or Christmas sale or Christmas benefit if you want.

I don’t know why celebrating the birth of a savior would be offensive to anyone. I am really trying to wrap my mind around how that might offend. I guess I am too stupid. No other religion’s holiday offends me. I guess I am too stupid again.

Someone who is not stupid is Ben Stein and I am going to include something he said on CBS Sunday Morning (my girlfriend’s favorite show). He articulates it all much better than I can, because he is not riddled with ADD.

Confessions for the Holidays – Ben Stein – December 18, 2005

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

So anyway, I say feel free to wish anyone and everyone Merry Christmas this year. If they get offended it is their loss: they have lost the good intentions and the peace and the joy you were bestowing upon them. Remember, if someone wishes you a Happy (insert name of holiday you do not necessarily celebrate here) remember to say thank you and feel blessed that they are bestowing upon you the same happiness that you are trying to spread with your words of Merry Christmas.

Until Next Time,
Wayne